Seema Littleoff

Number: 99%
Status: That's for the professionals to decide.

Positions: Right hand red, left foot green.

Bio: Born Seemarantha Liddelov to an Indian mother and a Russian father, Seema's childhood was an unfortunate and tumultuous one. Since neither of her parents spoke each other’s language, Seema learned to most effectively communicate through an elaborate use of grunts, scowls, grimaces, and interpretive dance. As a result, Seema didn't fit in with the other kids in her neighborhood and was often accused of toy-stealing, mud-throwing, and hoarding shiny objects for herself, though in her defense the toys and mud were really only interpretive dance props, misunderstood by her unsympathetic peers.

After repeated calls from the neighbors about violent miming in the home, she was ultimately removed from her parent's custody by Child Protective Services and brought to the United States. With a good deal of help from her new psychopharmacologist and foster parents (who shortened and changed the spelling of her name to something a bit more manageable) she learned to speak the English Language, to enjoy foods containing things other than curry and potatoes, how to give a really good dirty look, and the proper etiquette at birthday roller skating parties (though she consciously and continuously disregarded that etiquette, skating too fast and too close to be invited regularly).

With a love of skating firmly entrenched, Seema began spending more and more time at the roller rink with the local derby girls, who didn't mind her quirky outfits, wild mood swings, or the fact that she still hoards shiny objects for herself. They took Seema in and taught her additional important cultural lessons, like how to hold the inside line, the joy of giving a good whip, and why Lithium and vodka don’t mix.

What makes her happy: Proper dosage schedules, items colored bright green or orange or both, smartly wrapped gifts, unsupervised visits, sparkles and flounces, mood music, self-propelled motion.

What makes her mad: Diagnostic tests, logical fallacies, laziness, grey clothing, waiting in lines, overripe avocados, non-point source pollution, unproductive therapy, dirty wheels.

Idols: Michael Baryshnikov and all bodhisattva.

Sign: The ones on failblog.org are a riot!

Favorite thing about Roller Derby: It's like flying, without all of the gravity problems. Well, without some of the gravity problems.

Injuries: Rules and tailbones (apparently) are meant to be broken.

Why roller derby?: Name one other sport where you wear a helmet but no pants?